MAXEL TOFT
17 (Johnson)
In Transition
Show Yourself
Oscillations
Rebirths
Concession
Doctors Note
Last Lost Least Lifted
I don't want to feel sad
But every time I feel sad
I feel closer later
When I've returned I'm in your favor
But if it lasts too long
It feels like you were always gone
I feel further than ever
And redirect your offer to recover
In these transitions, of mood
It seems I'm most receptive to you
When I change, I approve
I acknowledge you are present in my deepest senses . . .
But I don't want to meet you only in transition
I don't want to feel pain
But every time I feel pain
I feel comforted and hopeful
When physically returned to normal
But if the suffering stays
And fills every unoccupied space
I feel hurt and deserted
And shield attempts to resuscitate revival
In these transitions, through pain
It's the easiest connection to maintain
When I hurt, You remain
I acknowledge you are present in my deepest senses . . .
But I don't want to meet you only in transition
It's counter intuitive when I'm impaired
But I acknowledge you are present in my deepest senses . . .
And I don't want to meet you only in transition
We meet in the darkness sometimes
Shut doors and pull shades and close eyes
We'll see if Sophia shows, You'll see, Sophia shows
We're lost but we like to pretend
It's just like the way that we planned
We'll see if Sophia shows
You'll see, Sophia shows
We smile when we're hurting inside
We're learning to corporately cry
We'll see if Sophia shows
You'll see, Sophia shows
Our young men see visions and then
The old men dream dreams of the end
We'll see if Sophia shows
You'll see, Sophia shows
If you see, We'll see
We eat until full every time
Break bread and pour out and refine
We'll see if Sophia shows
You'll see, Sophia shows
If you see, We'll see
I doubt that I will get out of bed today
For the same excuse as yesterday
The floor is way too far away
And the voices are overwhelming
Thoughts, released to improvise
Fill the unclaimed space behind my eyes
When the kitchen knives call out to me
To open the skin and set the blood free
A simpler solution is go back to sleep
And to up my medication
Thoughts, released to improvise
Fill the unclaimed space behind my eyes
Attempt to predict the future like arthritic aching joints
An object, Suspended between two points
They tell me they love me and it's time to heal
This is sometimes how everyone feels
You're overreacting, it's no big deal
All you need is some motivation
Well if that's how it is then there's no use trying
This is my normal, don't worry, I'm fine
I'm staying in bed since I can't stop crying
And the voices resume, revealing
Thoughts, released to improvise
Fill the unclaimed space behind my eyes
Attempt to predict the future like arthritic aching joints
An object, Suspended between two points
An object, Suspended between two points
An object
Probably won't get out of bed today
Same excuse as yesterday
Disappointing neighbors and a disappointment myself
To recover from these failures disconnecting doesn't seem to help
Back in this depression because I messed up of course
To sleep it off or just ignore it seems to only make things worse
I need a rebirth over night
A rebirth in the morn
Rebirth, to start over almost like the day I was born
Can't sleep when I'm supposed to and now too tired to react
Need community but the possibility of rejection prevents me from taking that chance
I need a rebirth every evening
A rebirth every hour
Rebirth when I'm close to you, even more when I'm far
It's a rebirth in the morning
A rebirth through the night
Rebirth, all over again on the day that I die
Artist of artists, remind me, revive me, remind me to hope
Rebirth in the morning
Rebirth over night
Rebirth, all over again on the day that I die
Thought word and deed I concede
The rest I confess
Whole heart
With my whole heart
I have not loved with my whole heart
If I don't lose this, I can't lose
If I do choose that, I'm a fool
It's only the gods punching holes in the walls
And spirits lending a hand when we fall
It's nothing much, But I won't give this up
It might have mattered and maybe for your sake
If I could have managed to stay wide awake
There's a bright light in my rear view every time I get near you
The motion behind tugs the corner of my eye
Highways and byways, you can tear them all down
Send a postcard to my folks, I'm going to stay in this town
I'm bound to let the dagger linger till I'm whittled unfamiliar
Take a stab at that piece that protects my beliefs
Then take up my trade on the crest of that wave
With both hands on the shovel that digs my own grave
I'll divvy out my passion in an unorderly fashion
Dissolve in the folds of an untainted soul
I can't lose . . .
I know that each and every one of you has got a grasp on it
I don't care if it's a lot or just a little bit
But one thing that's for sure is it hurts
And what's worse, it shows
So bad you're going to need a doctors note
To move on, study for your next role
And then the second that it's over it goes immediately under the microscope
But if I don't lose this you know I can't lose and if I do choose that you know I'm a fool
It's only . . .
What about the last, shall be first
Tell me the lost shall be found
One day the least shall be lifted
Set up on high ground
I jumped out of bed, I must have slept late
Repairs to the tracks and my train was delayed
I need a break, but I'll never quit trying
I'm out here in the rain at the end of the line
So, what about the last . . .
An accident ahead rerouted my way
Driving all alone in an unfamiliar state
I need a break, but I'll never quit trying
I'm out here on the road till I recognize a sign
But, what about the last . . .
The hurricane arrived
The water rose high and the water remains
Watching everything sink and all wash away
I need a break, but I'll never quit trying
I'm stuck here on the roof just praying to keep dry
And oh, what about the last . . .